My girlfriend of three years recently offered to let me move in. She makes over 100K per year as a software sales manager ( her last bonus was 13K )and she owns her home. I am a recently unemployed sales rep, who on average when working makes high 75 to 85K. My girlfriend counter offers the move in with “you can pay the same that your paying now to your current roommate, I wouldn’t ask you for anymore than that since you’re unemployed”. I told her that I would think it over, but I am kind of pissed off. I feel like any romance to the situation has out the window. I have fixed many things at her house and stepped up when she needed my help or even someone to talk to repairmen. We have spoken of children and maybe getting married someday. Will she turn to me while she’s in labor and say ” Oh yeah, rents due!”. I am not a boyfriend who just takes, for two whole years I paid for everything. I still offer to pay and buy things without being asked. Please keep in mind I am recently unemployed, where is the helping hand here? Am I wrong to be a little pissed at her?
Down On His Luck Venice, CA
Dear Down On Your Luck,
Asking you to pay rent isn’t necessarily a bad thing, even though it’s not what you expected. Your girlfriend is smart in that she is establishing some rules before you move into her home. If things go sour it could take the courts to get you out. That being said, she likely does not want you to run out of money, lose motivation or get too comfortable because she’s helping you out. No woman wants to come home everyday to you in your boxers watching Netflix.
If you feel uncomfortable paying rent towards her already paid off home suggest an alternative. Tell her that you’ll pay for the utilities and the groceries. Or you could suggest putting the money in a separate savings account that you use to pay for wear and tear on the home or vacations. Women expect men to pull their own weight and many men want independent women too even if they don’t require it all the time. This may also be the time to discuss how you would share financial responsibilities in a marriage.